criminal

"Mrs Minks. This is Wandsworth Police Station. Is everything ok?"
"Hello. Yes" oh shit. I've just spoken to husband. What has he done now? What have I done?
"Is everything ok there?"
"Yes. Everything is fine" There's an escaped convict on the loose and he's stood outside my door with an axe.
"We've just received a 999 call from this number"
"Oh, I'm so sorry. That would be my son, Ezra. He's two." He may not live to be three.

later..

"Ezra, you mustn't play with the big phone. That phonecall was from the police. You called them by accident. The policelady said if you play with the phone again, she will come and put you in prison"
"In a nee naw police car?"
"Yes. And take you to prison and lock you up without any bouncy castle or football or chocolate."
"I go ring policeman"

and on to the next thing

it seems to be a never ending set of challenges when you've got children- and thats a good thing.
Ezra's breathing is back to normal, so now we're back into potty training, sleep training and weaning.
I've had it with breast feeding. At present Seth spends most of the night attached to my breast. This is entirely my fault. My desire to get some sleep and keep everyone else asleep has resulted in my allowing Seth to use me as the world's biggest dummy.
I also need to drink more booze, and go on a ridiculously unhealthy diet and smoke a pipe etc.
We've had five glorious months of breastfeeding and by six it will be over. I have mixed feelings about this. I do love breastfeeding. I don't love being responsible for my diet and alcohol content.
I'm sure bottle feeding will present a whole new set of challenges. Ah well...

spanner

Ezra experienced his second asthma attack, and was hospitalized on Tuesday. I am glad we recognized the signs. I waved him off with his Dad and he said "bye Mum, see you soon" When I arrived at the hospital five hours later he was too ill to speak.
The whole experience was utterly terrifying for everyone involved. Ezra is older and more aware of himself and his surroundings. He was frightened of the oxygen mask, but adapted well when he learnt that it made him feel better. He was wary of the Nurses and Doctors, but soon realized they were making him well again. He is a brave, clever, resilient boy.
Having a diagnosis confirmed is a relief and a bind. The severity of both attacks, coupled with my family history mean that daily steroid inhalation will be part of his life. I must keep a diary of his symptoms to feedback at the monthly asthma clinic. Bedding, vacuum cleaners, dust and pollen are suddenly very important.
The knowledge that this might happen again is overwhelming. Watching him struggle for every breath, and being power less to help was unbearable.
I feel like my baby is broken- that I broke him in some way. I understand that I am not responsible, and yet how can I not feel its my fault? Everything I ate, drank. My genes; my body gave him life. I can't change any of that now.
So, I can vacuum and change Ezra's bedding, and keep a diary of his symptoms. I can ensure he uses his inhaler, and educate everyone who knows and looks after Ezra about asthma. How to recognize it, treat it and when to seek help.
Ezra, meanwhile- runs around the house covered in stickers and singing the theme tune to Fireman Sam. He is still the same.

in the potty

Do not read unless you have, are, or are planning to potty train someone. For everyone else this entry will be incredibly tedious and dull. What do you mean all my entries normally are?

Anyway, an ovelwhelming desire to be naked (Ez, not me) is advantageous when potty training in the house. A little embarrassing outdoors, but not unmanageable.
I underestimated how long it would take for Ez to get the hang of the outdoors bit. I had read somewhere that it would take about a week to do basic potty training. Further clarification from my sister confirms that it will be about 4-6 months before Ezra is fully functional. I might've been a tad ambitious and I am concerned about my expectations for Ezra and any academic pursuits.
So, our first week has gone remarkably well. When we are at home, all wee's now end up in the potty. Poo's are normally adjacent to it, though their conception does take place on the potty. Hearing a plop is a good signifier to get up, and potty's don't have a satisfying splash pool to confirm that the target has been hit.
Outdoors are another matter. "Wee, Mummy" can often be followed by "drink mummy. Ooooh sparkly. Car, Mummy!" and before we know it there's a wet patch growing (and by the way. 10 pairs of underpants for 3 pounds at Primark! Perfect.) However, Ez is learning and the accidents are much less frequent.
I am tempted to start Seth now!

Obsession

I have entered the zone. The sleep deprived place where only the parents and carers of babies go.
Once in the zone nothing else matters. Even Big Brother is only vaguely exciting me. (however, live streaming on E4 might be a godsend.) Operation "sleep or I'll die" is in progress.
I was beginning to think that my second child was peculiarly precocious. Thankfully, he is no more compliant than my firstborn
Thank crikey for obsessive blogging whilst in the zone. This has settled a long running dispute with my husband. He is convinced that Ezra was born aged 2 and never had a sleepless night in his life. The rest of us remember the nights filled with screams and wails- and baby Ezra made quite a lot of noise too.
I have cracked under the weight of constant breast demands and have forced a dummy into my babies life. So shoot me- I'll deal with that issue when I'm less tired.
I am also planning on introducing three square meals in the next few days. If that doesn't work- its eggy bottles all the way*

*(you'll have to ask Jo about eggy bottles.)

Progress, regression

Progress:
Ezra is in-training for Potty duty. House widdling is all now potty bound. The outdoors is still a stressful potty adventure. We've had a few accidents, and as yet no poo disasters. Will keep you informed.

Weaning is working for both boys. As Seth tucks into his carrots, Ez is quietly indulging in VEGETABLES!! And PROTEIN!! But shhhhhhh, don't make a big deal about it.

Seth loves his playgym. Just as I was about to flog it on eBay (Ez hated it with a passion when he was a baby) Seth has decided to keep himself amused in there for ooooh about 45 minutes now.

Seth is complying with my request to drink from both the breast and bottle.

I can give them both their tea, bath and put them both to bed without collapsing (my eternal thanks goes to the producers of CBeebies bedtime hour)

Regression:
Night feeding. 3 events per night. No, really he isn't just a sucky baby- well he IS a sucky baby, but he is really hungry in the night. I can express 7 oz per breast per feed and my weight can fluctuate by 4 lbs depending on whether I'm pre or post feed. Seth is also being topped up with lovely formula and still there's no filling that boy. Lordy lord, roll on six months so I can stuff the kid full of steak and chips.

make believe

Whilst we were all lounging in the sun on the common, (with the exception of Daddy, who is now commuting into Soho for a job involving football. I'm still not sure this is actual 'work') Ezra gallops down the hill.
Ez "I'm a horsey"
Me "you are"
Ez "right. I going work now."
Me "like Daddy?"
Ez "yeah. I got new job."
Me "Ok, have a good day"
Ez "Oh shit. Where my keys? My phone? My wallet?"
Me "just like Daddy"

how rude!

My husbands only gone and got himself another job! After a few weeks off, imagine- going out and earning some money when he could be at home helping me look after the bairns. Who cares if we can't afford the rent and Ezra is growing out of his old shoes? Its nearly summer- we can live outside- barefoot.
From now on I might have to put them both to bed- on my own. Its a bit selfish to get a job working beyond 4pm. And, anyway, how is this bedtime thing possible when there's only one adult involved? I struggle with naptimes. I'm currently thinking about a telly in Ezra's bedroom and whiskey in Seth's milk.
what's that you say? Women have been doing it for years? But how? Surely they all had staff?
Who's idea was it to be a full time Mum anyway? It wasn't mine.

Snotty

Ezra has officially been ill with one form of cold or another for a year. The most recent chest/throat/tonsil viral infection has resulted in several nights of constant awakening. "Muuuuuuuuumeeeeee. Hot. Water. Hot. Muuuuuumeeeeee"
Ezra likes to sneeze on Seth and so he too snuffles along at the same time.
I write about this now as they are both feeling slightly better. Last night they both slept well. However, I am so used to waking every hour with one or the other that after 2 hours sleep I awoke bright as a button and feeling like I'd had my nights quota.
It was 12.15am.
Its amazing how your body adapts to sleep deprivation, though I have been assisted by my husbands unemployment. (redundancy- long story). I do the night shift, he does the mornings- so for the past 3 weeks or so I've been start stop sleeping in half hour-ish chunks until 6am, then having a blissful hour or two uninterrupted.
You may think that this entry is preoccupied by sleep discussion, and that's true- but it is impossible to think of anything else when you are this tired.
However, I will update you on the anxiety-ometer. I have returned to normal levels and look back on the previous few weeks with awe. I really wasn't feeling very well at all.
When I am less sleepy (in about 10-15 years) I might be able to describe just how unwell.