Perspective

Ezra wakes goes to bed at 7pm. He then spends roughly an hour wrecking his bedroom before collapsing in bed. He wakes at 6am and has more energy than a nuclear reactor. He is experiencing the terrible two's, and meanwhile Seth is waking every hour or so. All of this makes us tired and irritable. However, let me put this into context by writing of my Mum's recent experience.
My Mum had experienced severe bouts of trigeminal neuralgia for about ten years now. They call it the suicide disease as the attacks are so unbearably painful. Towards the end of last year she had also experienced a case of what she thought was shingles and had experienced spasms in her legs. She had been to her GP and had been sent off for some tests.
Around the same time Mum had her first routine mammogram. I remember laughing with her before the test that she was uncomfortable about being manhandled into a machine.
I can't remember which came first, but within weeks two diagnoses came back. Multiple Sclerosis, and cancerous cells in her breast tissue.
I recall feeling like I'd been punched in the head when she called to tell me about the MS. She had had a suspicion and claimed to be relieved to finally have a diagnosis. All I could think was that a cruel and unforgiving degenerative disease was ravaging my lively funny Mummy.
The cancer cells were more tricky. It was unclear from the scan what the 'abnormality' was. The good news was it was very small, and eventually she discovered that the bad news was cancer- however small-and had to be treated. My Mum had more and more tests, biopsies and consultations, as no one could decide how invasive the cancer was and how to treat it appropriately.
She experienced countless cancelled appointments and a few dangled carrots.
Meanwhile my sister's went through a particularly cataclysmic relationship break up and had to move home.
Then Seth and I almost died during childbirth.
Then my uncle John died.
Throughout all of this my Mum was her usual self. Practical and mostly upbeat. When I came round from sedation after having Seth, I was informed that my Mum was on her way down from our home town- despite having been signed off work by her GP to 'get some rest'. I cringe when I think of how she slept on that ropy old put-me-up bed and cared for my newborn baby while lingered in bed. All the time in much more pain that she ever let on. For a while she even returned to work.
My Dad was very low, but brilliantly supportive. I imagine it is unbearable to watch your most cherished love in excruciating pain.
Eventually a decision was made about my Mum's treatment and she had the cells removed. She was told that if the surgeon thought it necessary he would remove her lymph nodes at the same time. She woke up with her lymph nodes, but when she received the results of the tested cells, was told she had to have the nodes removed separately. Throughout all of this the neuralgia was being especially cruel. She had also been waiting for an operation to cauterize the nerves in her face, and this seemed at last to be the solution for her pain.
Two weeks after having her lymph nodes removed and only a few months after having breast tissue removed, she had surgery on her face. She was advised that she would feel immediate relief if the operation had worked.
She woke up in agony.
So, she's got three weeks of radiotherapy to look forward to in10 or so weeks, and can have further operations on her face until she gets some relief.
We have all been squinting to find that light at the end of the tunnel. There are no cancerous cells in the lymph nodes and so the radiotherapy should finish that chapter. Her MS is not fast moving, but I hope she won't mind me saying- it is debilitating.
There have been some darkly funny moments. My Mum's coordination can be a bit 'off' at times- resulting in two very black big toes from being constantly stubbed. Photo images of the offensive toes were texted to me whilst breastfeeding.
My Mum was my lifeline when I was experiencing PTS. She rang everyday and would let me groan about my misery. She laughed at my cleaning obsession claiming to be aggrieved that I'd never lifted a finger when at home, choosing instead to spend my teens buried under a mountain of filth in my bedroom.
When Ezra was in hospital for the first time. She texted we through the long night to let me know she was thinking of us.
My Mum is still in pain- but she's amazing and still laughing and this weekend when we went to stay, delighted Ezra and Seth.
So a bit of sleep deprivation aint so bad.