artisan parenting

Violence rears its ugly head once more. The first time around Ezra was but a wee toddling baby and was busy waddling around pushing shoving and pulling hair as only babies can. I was mortified by his behaviour, but together we were able to learn that it was wrong to try and rip other children's arms out of their sockets. (Seth is teetering on the edge of this phase and I go into it slightly more relaxed than last time.)
This time its other kids attacking Ez- and worse, him replicating this behaviour. Now they're all a bit bigger, they spend their time tugging, snatching and stealing each others toys. Everyone has a different way of dealing with this, and I am in no way criticizing other parents methods of tackling this behaviour. I am old school, and so I wade in when there's a visible snatch going on.
Similarly, if another child is hitting Ez (or he's pushing or shoving some other innocent) I wade in and remove Ezra. Occasionally, I've been so incensed by an act that I've even removed the other child and offered them up to their parent. I assume that all parents would want to tackle violence straight away- head on and sternly. I am a zero tolerance kind of Mum.
I am learning that I am wrong in this assumption. Some parents don't seem to care at all (and they should be shot at dawn See? No tolerance.) Some parents believe that a bit of push and shove is all part of learning to socialise and develop independence and confidence (I can see where they are coming from), and some think its character building (oooh, he knows what he wants! He'll be fantastic on the rugby/football pitch.)
I am also learning that in comparison to many middle class parents, I am a working class, shouting, stern downright hard mum. When Ez has been particurlarly naughty (oh no, I labelled my child- he'll become a murderer now!!) he gets a strong telling off and a time out. In public this involves being put in his pram, or standing against the wall away from the rest of the children for a period of time. I can see other parents staring, aghast at how cruel I am being.
I give him incentives for good behaviour- I remove toys and treats for bad behaviour. I think nothing of hollering across a crowded room if I spot him grabbing or pushing, or snatching.
I am aware of how I must appear to others- I cringe at how my desire to be in control often materializes as bullying. I hope I can get the knack of this parenting thing and learn to be less domineering. All I can say is, I'm new at this. As are all of the other parents. I have good intentions. I care about their future and I am trying to teach my children that there are consequences for there actions- both good and bad.