Following dramatic bolt from the blocks, and a confident start, the adrenalin of the first 8 weeks has run out and I am struggling to keep up the pace. Thankfully, I greeted the surprise start and smooth first leg with some shock and disbelief. When people asked me how things were going, I'd reply "ok, actually. Its not as bad as I expected, but everything could change." The lads haven't changed-Well, obviously they have, in that they've grown and Ez is eating a wider variety of foods and Seth can hold his head up and smile and gurgle and giggle, but I digress. I've changed, or mellowed or hit reality, or hit something.
My husband keeps mentioning post natal depression- especially as a diagnostic confirmation would mean he could start his redundancy leave early. I am feeling lower than before- but then I was artificially high. I was alive and elated at recovering fast and well. I leapt with joy at successfully changing a nappy, for goodness sake.
My mind is still scattered- concentrating is hard, remembering anything is impossible and I'm feeling the effects of sleep deprivation. The lads are predominantly sleeping well- but I'm not.
I don't feel depressed, I just feel sad about the way Seth was born, shocked at the enormous responsibility of having two children, and worried that we'll never feel safe again.
6 comments:
Sweetheart, it's hardly surprising you've hit earth with a bit of a thud after everything you've been through. Everything's changing, but the dust'll settle soon and I'm not going anywhere. Love you. x
Don't keep it in - keep talking. Lots of people who love you are listening - promise.
You have been through more in the past few months than most people ever go through in their entire lifetime. I think it is more than reasonable to come to a point where you start to feel like you may not have a grip on things. Just keep talking to those around you about how you feel and don't be afraid to let yourself be sad or mad or happy or whatever emotions come. They are all good.
(( BIG BIG HUGS )) for a very overworked mom!!!
Minks, you didn't add the bit about having major surgery and a critical illness which will be bound to take a toll too. It's terribly sad for you that Seth's birth was absorbed by so many other things, the emotional recovery from birth and illness, looking after 2 little children plus all the stresses of day-to-day life. I think you are doing brilliantly.
I have to agree with everyone else comments Mink, you've been to hell and back recently with everything. I just wanted to say its normal to feel like this.(well i did!)
The boys sound like they are doing greatxxx
I think you're surrounded by people who love you and who clearly are happy to listen and help, so take advantage of them. I'd be more worried if you didn't need time to adjust after what you'd been through recently.
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